


Of Importance

by agenttitties



Category: Homestuck
Genre: i wana be a psychologist, like his thoughts n shit, oh god this is just rambling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 12:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agenttitties/pseuds/agenttitties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Im tired and i made this i thikn i should just make a character analysis to satisfy my needs</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Importance

**Author's Note:**

> nothING like triggering so dont worry uh its just stupid  
> and i want to analyze his chaRACter but i cant quite get it right

He remembers the dreaded emptiness that would hit him like a ton of bricks. It meant that he had indeed, fucked up. Having time as an aspect requires you not to think. Don’t think of the friends that will parish or how many more times you have to die in order to keep the game going. It was always easy for him to suppress and numb his emotions, just don’t think, that should be easy. He has to keep himself going, distractions, working constantly or he would come to terms with himself. He’s damaged. Frayed at the edges and wearing thin from overuse and no one seems to notice so he ignores it. It’s manageable, he can keep compensating and if everyone could keep going he could too. He wasn’t weak. But the mere thought that he’s died more times he could count, that no one even remembers or honors his sacrifices, makes him think he isn’t good enough. He has to show them; to prove it. But how? Maybe if he took the biggest problem he could die a hero. He remembers when the hero never died and always won. Bro was a hero, right? Yes heroes were self-sacrificing. Bro gave up his own life just to help Dave and his friends. Yes he was a hero, but he proved that they can die and not always win. When he did think it made him stray further from his old self. The change and maturity, realizing that he needed to adapt in order to handle everything. He became calmer; he had wondered what it was that made Bro so cool when it was in fact he had to find peace with himself. Cliché as it sounds Dave has never felt better. It took off the edge of wanting to fit in a mold to letting himself be without losing control. His aspect challenged him and he was starting to win. Time was a stream that flows endlessly it was his job alone to take care of it. No one else was supposed to neither assist nor guide, it put him under pressure and made sure he could work under it without breaking. Each time player would experience this feeling through one form or another. Dave had never been independent; the irony was that Bro tried so hard to make sure he was. Bro could see where Dave needed work but his methods were to abrasive to affect Dave. Dave had learned to survive not adapt to fit the needs. Dave was dependent on Bro for forming a personality; the want to grow into being like him or exactly like him. He depended on his friends for praise and attention which he never received enough of. A part of being independent is to detach from the unhealthy roots and learn to lead yourself. This was a skill he lacked and it showed, made him feel vulnerable. Unlike Jade he didn’t beat the weaknesses out of him; he hid them in plain sight. He would avoid them unless they proved to be too much. Rose never missed a detail and would pick apart Dave; it was like she enjoyed making people unsure of themselves. He could open up to her without being judged, he could trust her because she thought before she prodded, calculating each move. He couldn’t do this with John or Jade without bringing up worrying or teasing from either. But now Rose was deteriorating, he had to be strong and stand on his own, it helped knowing he had friends still. People who wanted him. Did they? He wonders if doomed John saw him for what he really was. He probably already does and keeps him as a friend out of pity. Sometimes Dave would feel this surge of hatred and anger for himself. Anxiety and insecurity would tear and rip at the only things he felt confident in. What were they again? He can only remember that he was good at dying a worthless piece of shit. He should try harder, think ahead, but that isn’t within his capabilities to see ahead or fully understand his aspect. He had to learn on the job. He had always been so afraid of error. Slipping up and being blamed.

He could be blamed for his own death, but that didn't matter.


End file.
